Mom was raised on a dairy farm in Canton, Ohio, in the 1960’s. Her father and mother both came from Old Order Amish homes, and there were six children in her family. Grandpa was hard-working, frugal with money, and an avid collector of steam engines and vintage tractor seats. At the time of his death, when I was six, there was a cornfield full of steam engines and other collectibles to auction off. 

Grandma was sweet, social, and had an infectious laugh. She always welcomed the grandchildren home with hearty hugs, warmth, and delicious cooking. On the outside looking in, they may have appeared like a normal couple. On the inside, it was a difficult, abusive environment perpetrated by Grandpa. My mother endured all forms of abuse during her childhood, and many times she was the only one in her family to go to church after the morning milking was completed. To the glory of God, Grandpa found Jesus on his deathbed. 

Mom does not talk about it often, but one story she told has never left me. She recalls a time when Grandpa had all the children lined up, holding a shotgun, and he was threatening to end them all. Right at that exact moment, a minister from church walked in the door. Only the Lord knows what would have happened if He had not sent that minister to the rescue. 

The odds were stacked against my mother ever rising above her circumstances, but she had a vibrant faith at a young age that carried her through very dark years. One of the key influences in her life was a young schoolteacher at Hartville Conservative Mennonite named John D. Martin. It was people like John who helped shepherd my mother, even in difficult circumstances. 

After Mom became a young adult, she went into voluntary service at Mountain View Nursing Home in Aroda, Virginia, where she met my dad, Eldon. After getting married, they went into the mission field in the jungle of Belize, welcomed my oldest sister into the world there, and then returned to Virginia where they still live today. 

One thing Grandpa did right was having a Will. They had a sizeable estate at the time of his death, with the majority of it consisting of a large farm, a home, and oil underground which was pumped out to create additional cashflow. He and Grandma had taken the time to write out an estate plan that divided everything into six equal shares among the children after their passing. I believe they tried to make it fair for the children. 

After Grandpa passed away, the estate went to Grandma, with the six children as the future beneficiaries. Grandma put considerable resources into remodeling their homestead, and it turned out beautifully. However, as she began to age, she became more vulnerable. Conversations started happening with one of the siblings like, “Who should get the farm?” 

In most of the children’s minds, that question had already been answered when Grandpa and Grandma agreed together to divide everything fairly and equally. Yet somehow, in Grandma’s elderly state of mind, she ended up changing the Will and giving the entire farm, homestead, and oil rights to one of her children. 

Despite this shift in events, the Lord gave my mom much grace, and she was able to move on from it, realizing the principle Christ taught in Luke 12:13–15: “And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me. And he said unto him, man, who made me a judge or a divider over you? And he said unto them, take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” 

The tragedy is that not everyone in the family found the same grace and forgiveness that my mother found. One of the family members was driven further away from Christ and became bitter. Christmas gatherings became awkward, tense, and filled with drama. Despite tears and pleadings, no changes were made, no restitution was offered, and the family home was sold—with no proceeds being shared among the siblings. 

As we look back on what happened decades ago, it inspires a passion in me to try to help Anabaptist families do better with their estate planning. It inspires me to help families avoid the conflict and contention that can ruin family relationships for generations. No piece of ground is worth our sibling’s salvation. No piece of ground will be remembered by any one of us a hundred years from now. What will be remembered is how we handled our estates, our families, and our attitudes. What will be remembered is our stewardship. 

One of the legal options for preventing broken relationships, family disputes, and fraud is to place assets into a Trust. A Trust can include a provision that prevents an elderly person from simply changing the estate or moving assets without good guidance and counsel. The Trust can install a Trust Protector or Trustees to act as responsible stewards and prevent one person from sliding in at the last minute and taking an estate. Many family disputes could be avoided with a good estate plan, and a Trust is one tool which can help with that. 

Another option is to give some of the estate to charity during life. A good question to ask is, “Is the inheritance going to the children going to be a blessing or a curse?” As Anabaptist businesses grow and thrive, they might represent more money than their children are ready to handle. Sometimes being given something valuable takes away a good work ethic and the desire to be productive. We often value the things we earn more than the things we are given. 

By giving some of the estate to charity, we can leave a legacy of generosity for our children to follow. We can reduce the temptations of selfishness, conflict, greed, and laziness, and we can bless others in need. When we receive something, there is addition. However, when we give something, there is multiplication. When giving to those in need, we bless others, we receive a blessing, and we bless the Lord by following His commandments. Our gift multiplies, just like the lunch of the little boy with five loaves and two fish (John 6:9). The little boy could have kept his lunch for himself, and maybe he was tempted to just eat it himself after a long day of teaching, but he chose to share it, and his gift multiplied. 

As a stark contrast to the story of my mom’s family, my grandfather on my dad’s side was an example of generosity, faithfulness, and sharing. For as long as I knew him, he was investing in the lives of other people, he volunteered for years in a local food bank, and he cared about the needs of others. By the time he passed away, he had given a large portion of his estate away, and he left behind an orderly, simple estate. There was no family drama, no strife, and no broken relationships over it. We can leave behind a legacy of faithfulness like my dad’s father by having a good estate plan. I encourage you to consider how your estate will be handled after you are gone and to be a wise steward of the things you leave behind. 

Tyler Hochstetler, Esq
Hochstetler Law Firm, P.C.