It is very good to be here, and we are so glad you are there. Thanks for joining us as we study and learn from God’s Word together. I am sure you noticed that our study through II Corinthians will soon be over. This lesson is from chapter 12; only one chapter is left in II Corinthians. Today’s title is “The Conundrum of Love.”
“Conundrum” is an interesting word. It is used in confusing situations, and the answers may seem the opposite. Walking with Jesus has conundrums, but we don’t usually use this word to describe them. Here is an example: Jesus tells us to come to him if we labor and are heavy-laden, and He will give us rest. Then Paul tells Timothy to fight the good fight. So, which is it? Are we supposed to rest or fight? At first glance, they seem to be saying opposite things. You could say this is a conundrum.
Or take these two sayings of Jesus: He tells us I have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly, and in another place, he tells us we must take up our crosses and follow Him. So, what does he want us to do? Die on our crosses or have abundant life? The answer to many of these conundrums is both. The challenge is getting the right balance.
These are good areas for us to think about, and when we believe God is telling us to do opposites, there is usually a good lesson for us if we take the time to dig into it and discover what He is saying. Today, we aim to do that as we look at the conundrum of love. Bible teacher J Mark is here to help us think through the opposites we feel as we love others. Let’s go with him now to II Corinthians 12.
When you think about love, how does it make you feel? Does it make you happy, sad, frustrated, confident, or confused? Do you have simultaneous and contradictory feelings?
Many in our world have a distorted understanding of love. To them, love is irresistible, fun, and delightful. I’ll love you, and you’ll love me. We’ll live happily ever after. There’s a sense in which that can be true. But it’s also true that love is hard work, painful, and exhausting.
I call this the conundrum of love, and I want us to think about it today as we open the Scriptures. It’s the title of my teaching from Second Corinthians 12:11 to 21, “The Conundrum of Love.” A conundrum is a complex and confusing issue or dilemma where the answers sometimes seem contradictory. Love, like all of life, has highs and lows. The apostle Paul knew and experienced the conundrum of love, a universal experience we all share.
Second Corinthians records Paul’s varied experiences in his love relationship with the church in Corinth. So, turn now to Second Corinthians 12:11 to 21.
11 I have become a fool in boasting; you have compelled me. For I ought to have been commended by you; for in nothing was I behind the most eminent apostles, though I am nothing.
12 Truly, the signs of an apostle were accomplished among you with all perseverance, in signs and wonders and mighty deeds.
13 Why were you inferior to other churches, except that I myself was not burdensome to you? Forgive me this wrong!
14 Now, for the third time, I am ready to come to you. And I will not be burdensome to you, for I do not seek yours, but you. For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.
15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.
16 But be that as it may, I did not burden you. Nevertheless, being crafty, I caught you by cunning!
17 Did I take advantage of you by any of those whom I sent to you?
18 I urged Titus and sent our brother with him. Did Titus take advantage of you? Did we not walk in the same spirit? Did we not walk in the same steps?
19 Again, do you think that we excuse ourselves to you? We speak before God in Christ. But we do all things, beloved, for your edification.
20 For I fear lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not want; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults;
21 lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness they have practiced.
Paul uses a mixture of sarcasm and sincerity in this text, and by these, he clearly shows us the ASPECTS that reveal the conundrum of love.
The First ASPECT (that reveals the conundrum of love) is,
It’s Often Misunderstood
You’ve experienced this misunderstanding, haven’t you? To the best of your ability, you’ve looked at a relationship or situation and tried to love the other person like Jesus. You wanted others to understand by words and actions that you cared. But when it was over, you were accused of being unloving, uncaring, and hurtful.
Those kinds of experiences are complex but common. The apostle Paul had poured his life into the Corinthian Believers, yet his sacrifices were forgotten, lost in the passing of time and his critics’ constant questioning of his motives.
Paul refused to accept financial help from this church. He desired the best for them and didn’t want anything to interfere with that desire. But his choice generated two responses. One group said, “He doesn’t love us. Otherwise, he’d ask for our support.” The other group said, “He’s a coward; he’s afraid to ask us for financial support.” So, Paul writes sarcastically, “Forgive me for this injustice.”
Paul rebukes them, saying, “You should have commended me. You know how much I love and care for you. You have received great spiritual blessings from me. It would be best if you were speaking in my defense against the false accusations of the Judaizers. But you haven’t done that. Instead, you’ve forced me to boast about myself. I am not inferior to those you hold up as ‘super-apostles’ even though I am nothing.”
During Paul’s time with them, they saw the proofs of his apostleship: the signs, wonders, and miraculous deeds. These confirmed Paul as God’s servant. Yet, they questioned his motives and his calling.
This aspect of love being misunderstood is one of its most challenging conundrums.
The Next ASPECT (that reveals the conundrum of love) is,
It’s Often Unappreciated
Despite the Corinthians’ disrespect, Paul wants to visit them. He reassures them that he will not be a burden when he comes to visit. And just in case they still don’t understand, he says, “I do not seek what you have, but YOU!” Paul wasn’t interested in their stuff; he was interested in them as his spiritual children.
He said, “It’s not natural for the children to save up for their parents, but rather for the parents to save up for their children.” As their spiritual father, he was following that pattern. He was laying up an inheritance for those under his care.
That leads him to the most poignant statement in this text: “I will most gladly expend my life for you, even though the more I love you, the less you love me.”
Paul’s life and example proved his sentiments. And yet, despite all that, he was accused of raising this collection (for the poor in Jerusalem) for himself in the following verses. Again, Paul resorts to sarcasm. “But be that as it may, I did not burden you, yet being crafty, I took you in by deceit; I tricked you! I said the money was for others but meant to keep it for myself.”
He asks the Corinthians whether he or Titus had taken advantage of them by soliciting this gift for the poor of Jerusalem. The answer was “No.” The Corinthians kindly received Titus and sent him away with every proof of confidence and respect. Were they going to pretend now that he had somehow defrauded them?
Paul said, “My actions and Titus’s are ‘cut from the same cloth.’” Neither tried to take advantage of the church in Corinth, nor could they be credibly accused of deceit or impropriety.
This aspect of love being unappreciated is one of its most common conundrums.
The Final ASPECT (that reveals the conundrum of love) is,
It’s Often Painful
Pain is not naturally associated with love, yet there is a definite connection. Genuine love cares enough about people to confront them for their sins. This love is foreign to those who don’t know Christ. Today’s popular idea is, “If you criticize my behavior as wrong or sinful, that’s not loving.” But the Scriptures reject that idea. God and His spokespersons never shy away from calling sin what it is. But we are also warned in the Scriptures to speak the truth in love. The truth is offensive enough by itself; we don’t need to make it more offensive by poor behavior.
In the final verses of our text, Paul warns the Corinthians that he is planning to visit. He assures them that what he has done and will do is for their upbuilding in the faith. But his visit will include some unpleasant and painful accountability. He writes, “I am afraid that perhaps when I come, I may find you not as I would wish…” He hoped to find them walking in the truth and order of the Gospel, but their current behavior argued against that.
Remember, Paul wrote his first letter to the Corinthians to deal with factions, immorality, and other sins they were engaged in. His second letter shows us that some of these sins have been dealt with, but not all of them. Paul fears that his visit will find them mired in strife, jealousy, flaring anger, selfish ambition, backbiting, gossiping, conceit, and disorder. These are not the identifying characteristics of those who follow Christ.
Further, he acknowledges that they “will not find [him] to be in the condition [they] want…” He will need to administer discipline, which he confesses will be depressing. When he came to Corinth, he held these people accountable before God and the church.
Their sin was a grief to Paul; how we need more men and women today who grieve over the sin of those who profess to be God’s children! He indicated that he would mourn for those who sinned earlier and still hadn’t repented. There were those in the church still living in moral or physical impurity. Others were practicing adultery, incest, and fornication, while still others were living in debauchery, totally given over to the appetites of their bodies. Paul would address all of these things when he visited them. They could expect painful discipline.
In reality, that is what they needed. Genuine love doesn’t withhold discipline because it’s painful. Instead, it sees beyond the present circumstances to the eventual outcome. The writer of Hebrews put it this way; “Now no [discipline] seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”
To recap, these aspects help us understand the conundrum of love: It’s often misunderstood, frequently unappreciated, and often painful. By the life he lived and the words he wrote that have been preserved for us, the apostle Paul is a worthy example to follow as we wrestle with and live out the conundrum of love.
Thanks, J Mark, for explaining these conundrums and helping us think them through. They are not what we usually think about when we love others, but they may be part of our story.
Thanks again for being with us today. If you would like to contact us for any reason, here is how you can reach us: You can email us at [email protected] or connect with us via our website, heraldsofhope.org. We would love to hear from you and don’t mind which method you use.
Before you go: Have you considered how Jesus experienced the three conundrums from today’s lesson as He loved us? May we, as His children, serve Him with understanding and appreciation for His sacrifice.
*This episode is an exposition by J. Otis Yoder, re-recorded by J. Mark Horst, with an opening and closing by Arlin Horst.
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