Do you know the secret to a lasting marriage? I’m sure there are as many answers as opinions, and some will be right. Some would say that love is the most critical component. Do you agree? I don’t. I’ll tell you why in a few minutes.
In Greek mythology, Sirens were beautiful sea nymphs who lured sailors off their intended course with their beauty and enchanting songs. Many sailors who succumbed to their charms ran their ships aground on the Siren’s island and were never heard from again. The island was littered with the wreckage of ships, broken and bleached bones, and rotting corpses.
In Homer’s epic poem, Odyssey, Odysseus had his sailors fasten his body with cords securely to the ship’s mast before sailing by this island. He was fearful he would be unable to resist the “siren song” of this beguiling place.
As the ship passed by the enchanted island, Odysseus struggled mightily to break the ropes that held him. He begged his sailors to untie him regardless of the consequences. But they were wiser than he was and refused to obey. They all had plugged their ears with wax to shut out the Siren’s song. Eventually, the ship escaped danger, and his men released him. He had avoided a catastrophic temptation that would’ve destroyed his boat, crew, home, wife, and family.
This is a dramatic example of one man’s effort to protect himself and his future from a momentary, foolhardy decision.
One of the core functions of the church and the culture at large is to build institutions, norms, and traditions that help protect us from the various Siren songs of our time. Marriage is one of these institutions. God designed it to constrain your future actions so that you can make long-term plans for the benefit of others–your wife and children–without them worrying about you running off to any Siren song you hear.
Marriage, designed by God, requires total commitment; that is the most critical component. When we enter the marriage covenant, we commit to each other 100 percent. Our vows include our promise to love and care for each other in sickness and health, in poverty or wealth, through the successes and reverses of life until death finally separates us. We promise an unequivocal “I do!”
In this study, we’re looking at the opening verses of Mark 10, where the Pharisees confront Jesus with a question relating to marriage. As we’ll see, their commitment to marriage was “Maybe I do.” That’s the title of my teaching.
Listen now as I read the text, Mark 10:1 to 12. This is God’s unchanging Word.
Too many times when we read Scripture, we isolate it from its larger context. As I’ve said before, that can lead to errors of interpretation and application. This text is a clear example.
If you were with me for the two previous episodes from Mark chapter 9, we looked at kingdom values followed by radical discipleship. The kingdom values we looked at in Mark 9:30 to 41 were anonymity, humility, and inclusivity. The concepts of radical discipleship in Mark 9:42 to 50 were radical love, radical purity, and radical obedience. These are the larger contexts of our study for today.
In this dialogue with the Pharisees and His disciples, Jesus HIGHLIGHTS the insufficiency of “Maybe I do” and calls us to a radical commitment to His plan and purpose for marriage.
First, Jesus HIGHLIGHTS
The Confrontation
At the end of Mark 9, it is approximately six months until Jesus’ death. In Mark 10, it is only a few weeks until that event. One-third of Luke’s Gospel fits between these two chapters. Jesus is making His final journey to Jerusalem. The multitudes around Him were most likely heading toward Jerusalem for the Passover, too.
Our text points out that Jesus was traveling through Perea. Here, in an area ruled by Herod, the Pharisees confronted Jesus with their divorce question. We know their motives were not honorable. They were trying to trap Jesus. They wanted to use His answer to make Him look bad in the eyes of the people and the religious leaders. It’s also possible they hoped Jesus’ stance on divorce would provide a similar outcome to that of John the Baptist at the hands of Herodias!
The Pharisees’ intent seems to have been to force Jesus to choose sides in the debate between the rabbinical schools about permissible grounds for divorce.
One faction, led by Rabbi Hillel, was embraced by the Pharisees. That’s why, in Matthew 19:3, they asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Hillel permitted divorce for trivial reasons. The other school of thought was led by Rabbi Shammai, who taught that divorce was only allowed in cases of extramarital sexual activity.
Evidently, the students of Hillel had the mistaken idea that many people have today: God designed marriage to make us happy. I don’t find that teaching anywhere in the Scriptures. What I do see is that God designed marriage to make us holy and to glorify Him. That isn’t to say that marriage has no happiness; it does. I’ve experienced it. But it is not the primary purpose.
Anyone who enters marriage with happiness as the primary goal will most likely fail. God takes two individuals with very different personalities, giftings, temperaments, and intellects and commands them to become one. That is hard work! Marriage will not fulfill His purposes without radical love, purity, and obedience to Jesus Christ.
If the primary goal of your marriage is happiness, you will eventually ask the same question the Pharisees asked. “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” As He often did, Jesus used a standard teaching tool of that time; He asked them a question in response. “What did Moses command you to do?” Jesus took them back to the Mosaic Law to which they claimed unquestioning fealty. But was Moses’ directive a command?
Notice how they answered Jesus. They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.” They were referring to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. The bill or document is called biblion; it means “little book.” The Latin is libellus, from which comes our English, libel. A libel is “a written statement in which a plaintiff sets forth the cause of action or the relief sought.” Wycliff translates this phrase as “a libel of forsaking.”
The word divorce in the original is apostasion. Synonyms are defection and desertion, as a slave from his master. In today’s language, it means “a falling out of love.” As you may have guessed, this word is related to apostasia (apostasy), a falling away or desertion from the faith. Divorce is a form of apostasy, a falling away from one’s marriage partner and a falling away from God and His Word. As we will see, these words bear heavily on Jesus’ teachings on this subject.
So, this is the confrontation; “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Next, Jesus HIGHLIGHTS
The Concession
A concession is something agreed to, usually grudgingly, to reach an agreement or improve a situation. That is precisely what Moses’ law was. Divorce was NEVER God’s intention!
Jesus’ explanation begins in verse 5. He told them, “Because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote you this precept.” The hardness of heart is, sklerocardia. Note the connection to our English word, arteriosclerosis, or “hardening of the arteries.” Their hardheartedness was the disease; a certificate of divorce was the prescription. Like many prescriptions, it reduces the symptoms but doesn’t cure the underlying disease.
How serious is the hardness of the heart? Will God overlook, sanction, or save those who possess hard hearts? Will anyone in heaven possess a hard heart? To ask is to answer. Hence, Jesus’ pronouncement that the Mosaic provision pertained to “hard hearts” underscores that it was not intended as a divine sanction of divorce.
Paul wrote about this hardness of heart in Romans 2:5. “But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.” The only escape is genuine repentance.
Moses’ law was not a command; it was a concession. The Law neither commanded divorce nor established divorce as a right. It was legal, but, like many laws today, it wasn’t necessarily moral. God allowed divorce, but He didn’t command it.
As I understand, the prescription in Deuteronomy 24 was for the woman’s protection. If this Old Testament passage provides a suitable answer to the Pharisees’ question, Jesus undoubtedly would have alluded to it. Instead, His response to their quibble demonstrates that this passage does not provide the proper answer to their question concerning the propriety of divorce. He discounted the passage by offering a rebuttal to its applicability to the question.
The prescription did, however, offer some protection for women. The certificate of divorce protects the divorced wife from false allegations of adultery from her ex-husband or others. The rules on remarriage also prohibited the former husband from treating his wife as disposable property. Once she remarried, she was lost to him forever. He could not try to reclaim her after another man married her. It is also likely that the divorce certificate specified the property rights of the ex-wife so that she would not be left destitute after the divorce. God’s protections for the rights of women were revolutionary at the time.
This was the concession God granted to His people because of their hardheartedness. Many today still try to grasp it.
The Final HIGHLIGHT is,
The Clarification
In verses 6 to 12 of our text, Jesus returns to God’s design and purpose for marriage from the Creation. In Gen 2:24, “for this cause” did not refer to God’s making the first human beings “male and female,” but to God’s making Eve out of Adam’s rib. Since a woman came from a man, a man should unite with a woman to recapture their original unity. It takes both male and female to represent God and His attributes accurately.
In discussing male leadership in First Corinthians 11, Paul writes, “For this reason, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so, man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.” The point is that neither man nor woman are independent of each other. They are mutually dependent on God and each other.
The man is commanded to leave behind his father and mother, those closest to him in flesh and blood. He forms a new union and family unit by cleaving to his wife. To cleave is proskollao. It means to glue, bond, or adhere. This creates an unbreakable bond.
I’ve worked with wood for many years and glued many pieces together. When the pieces of wood are correctly prepared, and the glue is properly applied and cured, the joint will rarely fail. That’s the picture of what it means to cleave to each other as husband and wife.
Sometimes, when I wasn’t sure if the glue was too old and had lost its effectiveness, I’d glue pieces of scrap together. Once the joint cured, I’d try to break it apart. If the glue was good, the wood fibers would break and tear, but the joint would remain solid. Any attempted separation of the marriage will bring tremendous damage to the relationship and the individuals who are involved. That cracking and tearing does great damage and leaves lifelong scars.
Jesus said that leaving and cleaving would result in two becoming one flesh. The Shema, Deuteronomy 6:4, states, “Hear, O Israel, Yahweh our God is ONE.” Echad is the Hebrew word for one, but more precisely, it means a single entity comprising more than one part. This allows for the tri-unity of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They have separate roles and titles, but they are ONE. There is no division or separation between them; they agree entirely.
Echad also describes the reality of a man and woman becoming one. According to Ephesians 5:32, the unity of their marriage is to mirror the unity of Christ and the Church. I would quickly add that this oneness doesn’t detract from or nullify individuality or personality. Instead, each one’s uniqueness is designed and directed for the good of the whole.
As a result of this oneness which God designed, Jesus said, “That which God has yoked together, let not man divide.” Human beings have NO right to divide what God has joined. Sadly, marriage counselors and many pastors have been guilty of violating this command. They have allowed their emotions and personal preferences to override the clear teaching of Scripture. Eventually, they will give an account before God of what they’ve done.
You see, the Pharisees, like many today, treated marriage too lightly. Marriage isn’t a business contract that can be revoked if one party fails to fulfill their obligations. Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God.
In both the Old and New Testaments, marriage is used to describe God’s covenant relationship with his people, and God’s relationship with his people provides the pattern for marriage. G. R. Dunstan finds five marks of comparison between the two: first, there is an initiative of love that invites a response and creates a relationship; secondly, there is a moral affirmation (an oath or a vow) which secures the relationship; third, there are obligations (commandments) which undergird it; fourth, there are blessings promised to the faithful; and fifth, there is an element of sacrifice (in the case of marriage, an end to dependence on parents and to the freedom of singleness).[1]
Have you ever wondered why, at a wedding, the bride’s family and friends sit across the aisle from the groom’s family and friends? Why does the couple walk the aisle after making their wedding vows? Are these things just tradition, or do they have a deeper meaning?
If you know anything about biblical covenants, they involved cutting. The root of the Hebrew word for covenant comes from the word “to cut.” This may offend our modern sensibilities, but animals were killed, cut in half, and placed so that the parties to the covenant could walk between them.
Walking between the animal parts together, they said, “If I don’t keep my end of this covenant, let me be cut in two like these animals.” And ancient documents spell out this gruesome meaning in graphic detail.
As I said, marriage is a covenant, and I believe the traditional seating practices and the recessional indicate that connection. Every person attending the wedding becomes a witness to the marriage covenant and should be interested in seeing that covenant remain unbroken.
After the crowds were gone and the Twelve were alone with Jesus, they brought up the issue again. Jesus responded, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Jesus gives no exceptions! Divorce is wrong, but divorce followed by remarriage is worse.
[1] The Reformed Journal, Jan. 1977, p. 246
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