Last time, we began studying Mark 10:1 to 12 under the title “Maybe I Do.” This text describes Jesus’ interaction with the Pharisees regarding divorce.
In this dialogue with the Pharisees and His disciples, I mentioned that Jesus HIGHLIGHTS the insufficiency of “Maybe I do” and calls us to a radical commitment to His plan and purpose for marriage. The highlights are the confrontation, the concession, and the clarification. We were partway through the final highlight when our time expired.
Since we couldn’t finish the teaching during the allotted time, we’re returning to it today. If you missed the first part, you can listen to it at your convenience.
In this dialogue with the Pharisees and His disciples, Jesus HIGHLIGHTS the insufficiency of “Maybe I do” and calls us to a radical commitment to His plan and purpose for marriage.
The Final HIGHLIGHT is,
The Clarification
The Pharisees, like many today, treated marriage too lightly. Marriage isn’t a business contract that can be revoked if one party fails to fulfill their obligations. Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God.
In both the Old and New Testaments, marriage is used to describe God’s covenant relationship with his people, and God’s relationship with his people provides the pattern for marriage. G. R. Dunstan finds five marks of comparison between the two: first, there is an initiative of love that invites a response and creates a relationship; secondly, there is a moral affirmation (an oath or a vow) which secures the relationship; third, there are obligations (commandments) which undergird it; fourth, there are blessings promised to the faithful; and fifth, there is an element of sacrifice (in the case of marriage, an end to dependence on parents and to the freedom of singleness).[1]
Have you ever wondered why, at a wedding, the bride’s family and friends sit across the aisle from the groom’s family and friends? Why does the couple walk the aisle after making their wedding vows? Are these things just tradition, or do they have a deeper meaning?
If you know anything about biblical covenants, they involved cutting. The root of the Hebrew word for covenant comes from the word “to cut.” This may offend our modern sensibilities, but animals were killed, cut in half, and placed so that the parties to the covenant could walk between them.
Walking between the animal parts together, they said, “If I don’t keep my end of this covenant, let me be cut in two like these animals.” And ancient documents spell out this gruesome meaning in graphic detail.
As I said, marriage is a covenant, and I believe the traditional seating practices and the recessional indicate that connection. Every person attending the wedding becomes a witness to the marriage covenant and should be interested in seeing that covenant remain unbroken.
After the crowds were gone and the Twelve were alone with Jesus, they brought up the issue again. Jesus responded, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Jesus gives no exceptions! Divorce is wrong, but divorce followed by remarriage is worse.
We know Jewish law didn’t permit a wife to divorce her husband, but Greek and Roman law did. Mark most likely included Jesus saying this because he was writing to a Gentile audience. Indeed, Jesus knew this was happening in the Roman world, where divorce was common.
That seems pretty straightforward, but this was a paradigm shift for the Twelve. We know this by comparing the parallel passage in Matthew 19. In response to this teaching, they said, “If this is the way it is, then it is better not to marry anyone.” In other words, it is better not to marry than to enter into a relationship with that much weight and meaning only to have it fail.
I don’t know what you think about the disciples’ statement about not marrying, but it strikes at the heart of God’s plan for humanity. Here’s Genesis 1:27 and 28. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” For those who follow Christ, refusing marriage because it calls for a lifetime commitment is simply unacceptable.
Notice that God gave a blessing AND a command. God designed marriage so that when husband and wife become one flesh physically, children are the natural result of this loving relationship. Marital intimacy grants the husband and wife the privilege to participate in creating a new life with God. That is simply astounding, and we take it much too casually!
According to Psalm 127:3, the children that result from the couple’s union are heirlooms. They are precious; they are a reward from God. And what did Jesus say in Mark 9:42? “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.” Yet, I have heard all kinds of rationalizations that divorce is a net positive for children. That is untrue in all but a few extreme cases where there is physical or sexual abuse!
Through the prophet Malachi, God says, “I HATE DIVORCE; it is an act of violence.” God hates divorce because it is harmful. It harms the couple involved, generally leaving scars that never truly heal. It is detrimental to society. Above all, it is damaging to the children involved.
Divorcing persons generally don’t want to admit this, and their reluctance is understandable. They have to raise their children, and it is difficult to do this if they are laboring under guilt that divorce has done the children significant harm. But admit it or not, divorce does harm children. Oh, some cope better than others. Many children of divorced parents get on with life somehow. But all are harmed, some deeply and irreparably.
We live in a day of human rights. Everyone is fighting for their rights, as it seems. Even divorcing persons fight for their supposed right to be happy. What about the children? I maintain that they also have rights: a right to a mother and a father, a stable home environment, and an actualized biblical model of what a God-blessed home should be. Divorce deprives them of that and often leads them into a self-destructive life pattern from which there is usually no escape. The great majority of children appearing in juvenile court are from broken homes. The vast majority of prison inmates have the same background.
In the final analysis, however, the fundamental reason why God hates divorce is that God has created marriage to illustrate the most blessed of all spiritual relationships – the union of a believing man or woman with Christ, the divine bridegroom of the church – and divorce must therefore illustrate apostasy, the falling away of a man or woman from God, which is damnation.[2]
Yet, the church today largely ignores this clear teaching. It invents all kinds of excuses to explain away what God has said. I know my view is not popular, but neither are kingdom values and the radical discipleship Jesus calls us to in Mark chapter nine. We have become so focused on ourselves, our comfort, and what we want and so influenced by the world’s system that there is very little difference between professing Christians and the unsaved.
I was taught that when reading and interpreting Scripture, you should use the precise, unambiguous portions to help you understand the more complex and seemingly confusing passages. Most Scripture portions dealing with divorce and remarriage teach against it. This leads me to the “exception clause” in Matthew 19.
There, Jesus mentioned sexual immorality as the only permissible grounds for divorce. But notice He did not command divorce. I know of couples where there has been adultery, yet there has been repentance and restoration, too. Counselors and many pastors today are much too quick to recommend divorce as an option for a difficult marriage.
In addition, it is possible that since Matthew was writing to a predominantly Jewish audience, this exception was meant to be exercised during the Jewish betrothal period. A betrothed or engaged Jewish couple was treated as being legally married. That’s why when Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, he was inclined to give her a bill of divorce. God had to intervene in the form of a dream to let Joseph know how to respond appropriately to the situation. The marriage had not yet been consummated physically, and Joseph had the legal right to “divorce” Mary because he assumed her pregnancy was from another man.
For the sake of argument, let’s assume that the exception clause is valid for today, though I don’t subscribe to that view. What percentage of divorces among professing Christians are the result of sexual activity outside of the marriage? Far less than the total number of such incidents. Today, the church is far closer to the position of Rabbi Hillel than Rabbi Shammai! And even if a divorce takes place, do the Scriptures automatically assume God sanctions remarriage?
For centuries, the Church was a force to protect God’s marriage covenant. The Catholic Church took divorce so seriously that it broke with English King Henry VIII by refusing to allow him to marry multiple times. In 1536, he retaliated by seizing the Catholic Church’s assets. He then formed the Church of England, the Anglican or Episcopal Church.
For Protestants, divorce was heavily discouraged and stigmatized for centuries. Yet, across the Western world, believers have relaxed their standards for divorce. Today, the divorce rate among the members of God’s Church is roughly equal to that of nonbelievers. This happened because the Church no longer stigmatizes divorce. Why not? Has God’s Word changed?
One study found that non-denominational churches now have the highest divorce rate of any church (Barna Group, Dec. 21, 1999). These churches are the most popular because they are informal and seeker-friendly. Teaching the casual observance of faith has led to casual obedience to God’s commands. This isn’t only true regarding divorce and remarriage but also regarding various issues and clear biblical commands. Jesus, however, warns against following the values or practices of the unbelieving world over His Word.
“In Charles Swindoll’s book, The Quest for Character, he quotes ‘sociologist and historian Carle Zimmerman. In his book Family and Civilization, Zimmerman compared the disintegration of various cultures with the parallel decline of family life in those cultures.
Eight specific patterns of domestic behavior typified the downward spiral of each culture Zimmerman studied: Marriage loses its sacredness … is frequently broken by divorce; Traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost; Feminist movements abound; There is increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general; An acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity and rebellion occurs; There is a refusal of people with traditional marriages to accept family responsibilities; A growing desire for, and acceptance of, adultery is evident; There is increasing interest in, and spread of, sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.’”[3]
Did you catch where Zimmerman said this downward spiral starts? “Marriage loses its sacredness and is frequently broken by divorce.” What are the effects? Here they are again. Feminist movements abound, and masculinity as a whole is considered toxic.
There is increased public disrespect for parents and authority in general. Lack of commitment in marriage leads to insecurity and rebellion in children. It accelerates juvenile delinquency and promiscuity.
People with traditional marriages refuse to accept family responsibilities—we don’t want children; we’ll have pets instead. If we have children, we won’t be able to travel, entertain, or enjoy expensive vacations. Children are too costly!
Failed marriages indicate a growing desire for and acceptance of adultery. There is increasing interest in and spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes. All these begin with the rejection of God’s plan for a lifelong, monogamous marriage. We have sown the wind, and we are reaping the whirlwind!
So, what is the solution to the “maybe I do” culture in our world and the church? First, acknowledge that even secular studies prove the value of lifelong monogamous marriages in a healthy culture. While preparing this teaching, I read a book by Brad Wilcox, a sociology professor at the University of Virginia. The title is “Get Married,” Why Americans Must Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families, and Save Civilization.
In his book, Wilcox reveals the anti-family messages and policies coming out of Hollywood, Washington DC, the media, academia, and corporate America that have weakened marriage. His research revealed some outcomes contradicting what we hear from the institutions he mentions above. Married men and women with families report more meaningful lives than their single and childless peers. Imagine that! Couples who take a “we-before-me” approach to married life – by, for instance, sharing joint checking accounts – are happier and less divorce-prone than couples who do not. Couples who forge “family-first” marriages – characterized by regular date nights, family fun time, and chores done with the children – enjoy the happiest marriages.[4]
Next, the church must teach God’s purposes for marriage. In my youth, I heard a lot of teachings about the sacredness and permanence of marriage, how to have a good marriage, and things to avoid a bad marriage. But I don’t recall ever hearing teachings explicitly devoted to why God created marriage in the first place – other than human reproduction. That certainly is one purpose, but not the primary one. (If you’re interested, I have taught this subject in my series, “Growing Families God’s Way.” Tony will give you our contact information at the close of my teaching.)
Those of us who are married must provide an excellent example to those looking on. Many young people today see the troubled marriages around them, and it scares them away. We must teach them that marriage is hard work but is enriching. We must remind them that God’s plan is for marriage to be an enduring covenant that is monogamous and lifelong. We enter into it in the fear of the Lord. We must teach them that divorce is not an option.
Furthermore, we must be prepared to accept the reaction of those who interpret the Scriptures differently than I’ve done in this teaching. Let’s proclaim the truth with an attitude of humility and gratefulness to God for what He’s given us. Let’s be prepared to experience some ridicule, scorn, and opposition graciously.
The question the Pharisees confronted Jesus with still exists today. The human heart is still hardened by sin and selfishness and looking for concessions. But just as Jesus clarified God’s original intention for marriage and called us to walk in obedience. Let’s make our marriages an unequivocal “I do” rather than an ambiguous “Maybe I do.”
[1] The Reformed Journal, Jan. 1977, p. 246
[2] God, Divorce, and Apostasy, JM Boice, July 2014
[3] Confident Living, November 1987, p. 34
[4] Get Married, Brad Wilcox
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