Colossians 3:18-4:1
Thank you very much for joining us. God’s Word is so very instructive, and why wouldn’t it be? Since God is our creator, He knows best what is good for us and what we need. Think about an engine, the one who designed and built it will know the most about it. This is precisely how we should view God’s Word for humans. He designed and built us, so He knows what’s best for us.
This is exactly what our next lesson is about. At the end of Colossians 3, Paul gives instructions regarding a few common relationships. Everywhere we look, we see people in these relationships. Like the rest of the Bible, listening to and living it is not a must. You and I have a choice, but if we know what is good for us, we will heed God’s words and live by them.
Today’s teaching is excellent and very practical advice for our relationships. I especially appreciate the foundation J Mark lays right here at the beginning. Turn to Colossians 3 and listen closely as we begin this two-part series.
Have you ever asked yourself why you do the things you do? You and I have predictable responses to specific experiences we face in life. This doesn’t mean our response isn’t genuine; it just means it is customary, even reflexive.
All cultures have unique aspects, particularly in the way people interact with one another. However, the question remains: where do those practices originate? Although many people deny it, the best foundational principles of human relationships are laid out for us in Holy Scripture.
Several key terms relate to our discussion of human behavior. One is called the “social contract.” This theory says that people live together in society by an agreement that establishes moral and political rules of behavior. Members of a society cooperate for the good of everyone involved. There is a give and take. This is seen through both written laws and unspoken rules of behavior. And every functioning society has these rules to live by.
This social contract theory emerged from two historical philosophical movements: the Renaissance and the Enlightenment. The first movement rejected divine revelation and promoted the idea that humans are essentially good and, with proper education, can lead an ethical life without relying on God.
The second movement, the Enlightenment, was a logical outgrowth of the previous one. It was centered around the idea that human reason is the primary source of authority and legitimacy. It elevated individualism, skepticism, and science. It promoted the idea that science and logic would give people more knowledge and understanding than either tradition or religion.
Perhaps you’re wondering why I’m taking the time to discuss these movements. I’m doing it because we see the impact of these philosophies today, even though they were formed hundreds of years ago. They may be old, but they continue to exert a significant influence on our world today.
These ideas lead to the second term, “social construct.” A social construct doesn’t exist in objective reality but is formed through human interaction. It exists because humans agree that it does. For example, in my country, we have the idea that pink is the color for baby girls and blue is the color for baby boys; that’s a social construct. There’s nothing objective about that. Somewhere along the line, a custom became established.
Today, some people are saying that our biological sex, decided at conception, is a social construct. That’s why they use the word ‘gender.’ Boys are boys and girls are girls only because we say so. They tell us that a biological male can choose to be a female and vice versa. And if someone doesn’t want to be a boy or a girl, there are several other options available. They propose that each person has the option to choose their own gender identity. Christ-followers know that premise is false, because God created male and female in humans and the animal kingdom. Furthermore, human beings, male and female, are made in God’s image.
In our study of Colossians, we’ve come to the Apostle Paul’s teaching on human relationships: “God’s Social Contract.” I believe that most of the social ills of our day are directly traceable to our abandonment of God’s social contract, the guidelines He’s given us in His Word for healthy, functioning families and society.
I invite you to listen carefully as I read our text, Colossians 3:18 to 4:1.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God.
23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord and not unto men,
24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.
25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.
4:1 Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
This text outlines the GUIDELINES God has established for the flourishing of human relationships in a well-ordered society.
God designed human beings and their relationships to reflect His person, His character, and His glory. He desired fellowship with Adam and Eve and created them for that. But they listened to Satan’s lies, and their sin introduced negative consequences in our relationship with God and our relationships with each other. We’re still dealing with those effects today.
One of the fundamental issues underlying all relationships is the issue of authority. The Scriptures teach the plurality and equality of the Godhead, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. However, within that equality there is an order of authority (Philippians 2:6). The Scriptures repeatedly show us that the Son does only the things that please the Father (John 8:29). The Holy Spirit doesn’t speak about Himself; He only says what He hears from Christ and the Father (John 16:13).
Similarly, in human relationships, all people have equal value in God’s sight, as they are His image bearers. However, for the human family to flourish as He intended, there must be a designated structure of authority. This order existed before sin entered the world and was designed by God to be expressed in beautiful, harmonious relationships. But sin took God’s good plan for authority and twisted it to promote self and gratify sensual desire.
Unfortunately, sinful human beings, that’s all of us before salvation, resist or reject authority. We see God’s guidelines as burdensome, even though the apostle John says the exact opposite in 1 John 5:3.
Now, let’s examine God’s social contract as designed for our good and His glory!
The First GUIDELINE (in God’s social contract) addresses,
Relationships in Marriage
Paul’s teaching on marriage relationships is just two verses. As we look at these guidelines in our text, we will also reference Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. There, he reminds us that the marriage relationship is to reflect the union of Christ with His bride, the Church.
Verse 18 is addressed to the married women. The command for wives is to submit to their husbands. Submission is a hated word in our world today, partially, I believe, because those in positions of authority too often abuse their role. They have one set of rules for themselves and another set for those under their jurisdiction. We’ve seen this again and again throughout the entire COVID-19 experience. The idea of submission is also hated because of our desire to control our own lives and our destiny. We don’t appreciate anyone telling us what to do!
And yet, the command for the wife is to submit to her husband. It means to obey reflexively. This can mean automatically, without conscious thought. But, as I understand the whole of Scripture, Paul isn’t commanding wives to be robotic in their responses. A wife has her God-given intellect and emotions. What he is commanding is that the wife has a predisposition to submit to her husband. She recognizes her husband as her divinely appointed authority and accepts that God will work through him to both guide and protect her.
She may have legitimate fears, based on experience, that he’ll make a wrong decision. But she will also realize that God can use those poor decisions and failures to discipline her husband and, at the same time, deepen her trust in God. If her husband is a godly man, her support through these difficult times will only increase his love and appreciation for her.
The final part of this command specifies that this submission is well-pleasing to the Lord. Examining Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5:24, the submission of the wife to her husband parallels the submission of the Church to Christ. The Church submits to Christ in all things because His authority is exercised perfectly. A wife submits to her husband in all things if they do not violate her higher obedience to Jesus Christ.
Husbands, according to verse 19, are to “keep on loving their wives…” It’s the same kind of love that motivated Christ to love us individually and as His Bride, the Church. It doesn’t demand reciprocity. It’s a love that’s focused on giving rather than getting. It delights in serving rather than being served. It prioritizes the well-being of the one being loved as its highest goal. It’s a love that’s impossible outside of Christ living within us.
Paul’s further command is that husbands “are not to be bitter against their wives.” The verb tense used conveys several things. First, husbands should not let bitterness develop in their relationships with their wives; they should stop it before it starts. If they’ve already allowed bitterness to start, then they need to stop being bitter; they should break off this bad habit.
Paul realized that bitterness is a common sin for husbands. Why? Could it be that men in general, and husbands, often have anger issues? And what are they angry about? Some feel disrespected or unappreciated by their wives. Others think that no matter how hard they try, they can never make their wife happy. Whatever the reason, when anger isn’t properly resolved, it can grow into bitterness. It has devastating consequences both spiritually and physically.
I knew a husband whose wife wanted nice things, so he worked hard to provide them for her. However, she complained that he didn’t spend much time at home. He was confused! He was trying to give her what she wanted, and yet she had complaints about his absence.
In the marriage relationship, there are reciprocal duties of subjection and love. As we reflect on these guidelines, we should remember the context in which they are given. If we are letting the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, if we are letting the Word of Christ be “at home” in us, and if we are letting the name of Christ motivate our choices and our actions, then obeying these guidelines for marriage will be an overflow of our relationship with Jesus! We will be blessed, and He will be glorified!
Thank you for expounding on these marriage principles. Marriage is God’s idea, so of course it works best when we do it His way. These principles apply to marriage in every culture; the challenge is to allow God’s Word to form our doctrine and then live it. Love, submission, and no bitterness are all convenient areas we can grow in.
If you have any response to today’s teaching or would like to contact us for any reason, here are a few ways you can reach us. The best way is by email; our email address is hope@heraldsofhope.org. Alternatively, you can message us online; our website is heraldsofhope.org. Once there, click on “contact us,” which is on the top right. We would love to hear from you, so please get in touch with us in the way that is easiest for you.
As we heard this teaching, I thought about the wise man and the foolish man. Jesus said this, “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock.” Be wise and build on the teaching of Jesus.
