Mutual Responsibility In Marriage

In every man and every woman, God has planted the desire to mate. It takes twelve or more years for children to develop sexually and generally much longer to mature emotionally. The proper sexual relation at physical and emotional maturity is between male and female, and it needs to be controlled.

Of all creatures only man has naturally uncontrolled sexual impulses. In the animal world, mating is controlled by instinct and seasons. But, according to the opening chapters of the book of Genesis, man and woman have a need for self-control.

God destroyed the world of Noah’s time because the human race failed to control its sexual drives, resulting in degrading morality lower than the animals. The Bible says humans corrupted themselves (see Genesis 6:1-2). Jesus predicted that as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be when He returns (Matthew 24:36-37). I submit we now have come to that time. Secular society knows little control, rather openness, with kinds of relationships that certainly do not foster propriety, happiness, and holiness.

All people should pay attention to the biblical standards of marriage. Seemingly, some people do not even know they exist. The apostle Paul was led by the Holy Spirit to counsel believers in I Corinthians 7:10-16 concerning MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY IN MARRIAGE:

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean: but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, 0 wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, 0 man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

In this text, the apostle gives us several serious CONSIDERATIONS so we can understand how Mutual Responsibility in Marriage works.

The first consideration is:

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

The apostle Paul began his word in this text with “not I, but the Lord.” A principle is a rule to go by. This principle came from the Lord: Marriage is for life. Paul wrote, “Let her not depart.” That makes it clear, does it not?

Marriage is to be a union of two people in all aspects of being. Marriage partners must realize that this unity is more than physical. The emotional, the physical, and the spiritual realms of man all come together in a marriage relationship. Marriage is to be the union of two people in body, soul, and spirit. Man was created this way. For a marriage to be successful, the partners must recognize this. Too often consideration is given only to the physical side of marriage.

The unchanging principle makes marriage a binding agreement. Believers must view it that way. Marriages need to be planned and built upon the unchanging principle of the Bible that the union is for life. Satan has many crafty deceptions to destroy this principle, even when the partners are both believers. Hold fast to this first consideration of the unchanging principle for Mutual Responsibility in Marriage.

The second consideration is:

11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean: but now are they holy.

The apostle Paul began this discussion in verse 10 with the statement “Not I, but the Lord.” In verse 12 he said, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” So he gave us his personal advice. Let’s remember Paul was a man of wisdom. When he spoke, people should listen, even today, because he spoke by divine inspiration. We should heed his word. We should observe what he told us and we should lay it to heart.

Paul advised his readers of the importance of keeping the marriage union intact even if one partner was not a believer: “If a brother hath a wife that believeth not and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.” This was an existing condition. This brother in Corinth became a believer after they were married, but he had an unbelieving wife. What should he have done? Possibly that question had come up for many. Paul counseled them to keep the marriage bond intact.

This advice applied to both husband and wife. The husband was not to put his wife away if she was not a believer. The wife was not to leave her husband if he was not a believer. In the Greek New Testament, the advice is the same for both. Paul advised not to break up the marriage because one partner was not a believer.

Paul recognized the permanence of marriage. He surely had not condoned a Christian marrying an unbeliever. That is very clear from his second letter where he said, “Have no fellowship with unbelievers. Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers” (see II Corinthians 6:14). So he had not accepted or suggested the marriage of an unbeliever with a believer. He advised that one who became a Christian after the wedding was to be considerate and maintain or sustain the marriage.

The Corinthian believers came out of paganism. They had not had the advantage of the Jewish or biblical teaching, which has a high regard for marriage. Therefore the question arose, “What should they do?”

It would be well for all people to hear Paul with his unfailing advice. If one is an unbeliever and is content to dwell with a believer, then let the believer not put away the unbeliever. Keep the marriage bond.

The apostle goes on to explain that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband so that the children are legitimate children. This is quite clear. The tense and grammar of this particular section make it absolutely clear that this is a case of the unbelieving man or the unbelieving woman being sanctified. The marriage is sanctified by the one who is a Christian, the one who is the believer. So we must hold to Paul’s unfailing advice.

The third consideration is:

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

The apostle Paul takes it all the way and says if the unbeliever initiates the separation, then there is no recourse. If the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. This means they are not like slaves, bought, marketed, and sold. Though it may bring sorrow, the believer should not give up faith to preserve the marriage. In other words, if the unbeliever demands that the believer give up his or her faith “or else,” then the “or else” must come! A continuing relationship with Jesus Christ is more precious than the maintaining of an unequally yoked marriage.

W. Harold Mare offers good counsel on the subject of marriage as presented by Paul:

Dealing with the actual situation at Corinth, Paul realizes that in some instances the unbelieving marriage partner will not stay. So he teaches that in such an event (v.15) the believer must let the unbelieving partner go“If [in fact an actual condition] the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.” At this point, Paul adds two reasons: First, in this case, the believer is not “bound,” for the unbeliever by willful desertion (the other legitimate reason for divorce besides sexual immorality [Matt 19:9]) has broken the marriage contract. The Greek perfect form of the verb is graphic—i.e., “the Christian brother or sister is not in a bound condition as a slave.” A second reason for allowing an unwilling partner to leave is that God has called his people to live in peace, which would not be possible if the unbelieving partner were forced to live with the believer. Try to live with the unbelieving partner in the peace that God gives (Phil 4:6,7), but do not attempt to force the unbeliever to stay.

The force of v.16 tempers any tendency to foster or encourage a rupture in the marriage. Paul is teaching that the believer is to try to keep the mixed marriage together in the hope that the testimony of the believer will be used by God to bring the unbeliever to Christ. The factual condition of v.16 suggests there is a good hope that God in his providence will do just that.

Reflect again on the considerations that Paul brings for Mutual Responsibility in Marriage. There is

in total union.

to hold the marriage together.

that leaves the unbeliever outside.

The Bible encourages believers to hold marriages together.